what’s the reason behind a great need for control / inability to trust others?

fear possibly.

usually based on unhappy / even horrible childhood / earlier experience.

i have heard, that even leaders of a country who have stepped down for a long time remained targets of assassination, not to mention the incumbent.

imagine the pressure when one is subject to the risk of being killed any moment. i am sure nothing material ever can compensate for that.

it is very likely that they are motivated by survival instinct, though of course there are others who are driven by very power hungry egos

although on a much smaller and severe scale, parenting experience might provide some insights.

i have been repeated warned that my kid might turn very “bad” studying at a non mainstream school. students smoke, take drugs, drink, start dating very early…

like many parents, i also attempted to regulate behaviour of my kid by giving her “stars”, like points, which can be used to redeem something like a gift / other things she likes

very quickly i found myself unable to stick to that. i simply cannot stand that kind of constant judging, assessing, evaluating… very tiring, unnecessary and unpleasant indeed.

i ended up setting a much higher standard for my kid who was then still very small : that she can do whatever she wants, but needs to be responsible for all consequences of her actions.

i.e. to treat her like an adult even when she was only 6/7 .

the result : truly amazing

not only did she not picked up any “undesirable habit / activities” , nor made any “mistakes”, she grows up to be much more independent, courageous, conscious, global, loving and caring …than i have ever imagined.

to see her blossoms and expands magnificently is truly rewarding.

could it apply to adults as well? though many are already deeply conditioned?

if we let down our guards a bit and have greater trust in others, will that help them to “uncondition” and re-connect with their true essence easier?

sure many people have seen photos of a baby sitting safely next to a tiger playing innocently.

even animal can sense if a human is hostile / friendly. they will not attack unnecessarily.

it starts with each of us. no matter how we have been hurt, if we can treat each moment anew and not allow our past to influence us too much, we certainly can create a better future.

Blessings be to all

Namaskar

Sat Nam Deep I

Since very small, we all have been conditioned to think / act in certain way according to our gender, culture, social norm, social class, family background…

As a Chinese i was born to parents with the very common traditional belief that children are treated almost like life-long private properties that are supposed to generate income and service as long as they survive.

the thinking probably originated during the times when agriculture is common and more children means greater work force thus higher productivity.

the concept of “养儿防老” is still common nowadays where children are seen as a kind of insurance policy for old age.

for half a century, i tried my utmost to fulfill my role as a “good daughter” despite how much i disagree with this idea.

i am not saying we should not be good to our parents, yet it should come only from our hearts instead of a duty. All children can tell whether someone is really good to them or only treat them a mean to an end.

i was brought up with the motto “should”. that i should do what i am supposed to do, never what i like.

the positive side of this is : my painful experience serve as a perfect example of what not to do for my parenting, so that i am able to nourish my daughter into a happy jolly with much wisdom, consciousness and big heart.

today, she is the one who encourages me to be more of myself, to say no / stand firm against demands, even though that means disapproval / mis-understanding from others.

my suggestion to all parents is that we act as facilitators / coaches / guides to our children to help them blossom into the flower they are supposed to be, instead of moulding them into someone we’d like them to be.

then they shall remain genuinely grateful and become a positive force / power / energy to enhance the world throughout their lives.

Namaskar

Sat Nam Deep I