Happy Birthday Zhai!

1/23/2021, 4th b.day of our white bro, who found us so unexpectedly.

time flies. so much happened these yrs. maybe time to jot down some major events before i forgot. while the moon shining bright and our crazy neighbour still playing music loud

18th b. day of our daughter, very easy to remember. we moved to WKS. a “hasty” decision. she spent her big day at the 6 star club house with a few friends. before going UK a few months later.

a yr later, due to unexpected water leakage we moved to another estate nearby, again, a very fast decision, which seems great at first, only to discover a few months later our very strange upstairs guy who make noise all the time, day and night, almost daily till 2 – 3 a.m., sometimes 4 a.m.. despite repeated complains/ communication…

home move was followed by selling of our flat, then our car, a very painful process and lots of detachment

the yr we welcome our new bro us even more exciting: daughter went US, followed by an unexpected posting of husband to china, a city we never landed before, and ascension of my dad shortly after both of them left hk.

following yr, i spent most time flying to visit husband, while daughter come back occasionally during holidays.

she finished uni less than 4 yrs unexpectedly, just in time to return hk to see my dad’s ashes properly “housed” at a newly built extension of the cemetery closed to where he used to live. a miracle and countless blessings indeed.

it took us some time to get used to sharing a living space together again after a few yrs of independent living, also enjoying some happy time outdoor / tea at club house… and visited dad during easter .

that was the most “normal period”, 1st half of 2019, when i also thought i have completed most of my mission therefore ready to leave this physical body, thus starting of this blog in May. also had a wonderful b. day at hz, visiting an old road, tea farm on a hill, …

then, alas, 30th anniversary of 6.4. … followed by a series of unbelievable and unprecedented events, almost weekly protest, horrible violence…

surprisingly, i still managed to visit husband that christmas. knowing it’s very likely the last but one time i go there before he completed the project in a few months. Namaskar Too Too decided very wisely to follow me back hk instead of wait till the next / “last” trip, which never materialised.

start of 2020 seems a normally peaceful. daughter and i even managed to joined dance class at our club house for 3 weeks. then came CNY, the 1st day of which also saw the 1st confirmed covid case at our estate. the rest everyone knows.

how planes were grounded, people forced to stay home, wear masks, businesses closed down, fight for groceries…

miraculously husband managed to return mid may, despite horrible lock down measures that were reported. june 1 he started a new job back here. same day, an old friend of a healing circle ascended.

another mission impossible to incorporate items from a 2K sq ft. flat to a 1K one, to be shared by 3 people.

lots of conflicts due to his day and night work schedule, lack of space, different standards / preferences,… causing great stress and lots of physical problems. many times i got really mad / unconscious..

so much so recently that he finally decided to find another flat to move out. and as if god blessed, it was quite a nice and rare one close to we lived. just over the weekend he moved.

suddenly this week, some peace of mind that i have not enjoyed for a long time.

daughter finally got a kitchen of her own so she can enjoy cooking, and a “spacious” private space during daytime to work, rest, relax..

while we still could not afford a flat of our own yet as property price still sky high, at least some quietness / peace / space, which is particularly needed during this challenging time.

i thank the universe for all challenges presented to me over the yrs, looking back, sooooooo impossible to have survived, and sure many valuable lessons learnt.

just in about 5 yrs we lost loved ones, sold our property and car, moved twice, worked / studied in a few cities, witnessed new buildings continuously constructed in our neighborhood, job changes, rent and property price rocketed, and how the govt / systems / promised freedom have deteriorated beyond recognition here at our hometown.

we all have been taught to be loving, sharing, helpful, even sacrifice…

unfortunately there r still many unconscious / less developed beings who like to take advantage of others/ power hungry / like to control others or see others miserable or suffer like themselves ..

for decades, i gave my best to ensure everyone is well cared of / happy; putting my own interests/ well being always the lower priority.

result : people just take me for granted without appreciation.

finally i have learnt that i need to stand up for myself. not to give away my power. that my well being is of primary importance. following my divine path is the best way to serve the world, instead of fitting into the never ending requirements of others.

so glad my daughter can finally have a taste of what i had been through for 2 decades, and it is also her who inspired me to be more self loving.

today, when my precious bro turns 4 , i promised myself i shall close the door behind, leaving the unhappy / mad / compromising me, and start 2nd half of my life afresh.

i shall be a lot more conscious by surrounding myself only with positive, joyful, grateful, open minded, big hearted people, do things that i enjoy / inspired me, de condition from my past as much as possible, keeping a very healthy system at all levels…

my story is probably not uncommon. many full time housewife might resonate. they take up the roles as a chef, janitor, driver, teacher, recreation planner, financial controller, family pr mgr, secretary, counsellor, career advisor, … and juggle between work, school, families, companies…

may u all seek help if needed, and appreciate yr self for how much u have endured to create a loving, healthy and competent next generation / cohesive family

may all loving moms be cherished. for all the sacrifice they have made and energies transferred

we shall surmount all tribulations and rise like phoenix, to welcome a new beginning and a new world

Sat Nam Deep I

Namaskar